I am experiencing one of the darkest days of my life right now....my beautiful golden retriever Bailey was put to sleep a week ago today. He was 2 months shy of his 10th birthday.
I can not even put into words the amount of grief and despair I am going through right now. It has been an all out effort to get out of bed in the morning and go to work. Thank goodness for the wonderful friends I am blessed to work with.
Bailey was everything to me. He was every aspect of my life. He was the first thing I saw in the morning and the last thing thing I saw before I drifted off to sleep. He entered my life as a young pup....and I was just entering my 30's. He saw me through my worst relationship breakup, the move into a new house....and countless hours of laughter, tears and walks on the beach.
My life is empty without him right now and I can only describe myself as an empty shell of who I was before he died.
It was very sudden, although he had a tumor in his heart that was probably there for a long time. But last Sunday night, he woke very early in the morning....and began to slip away.
The lesson I learned was a very hard and painful one. Although it sounds incredibly cliche', I did learn in the most horrific and sickening way, that every day is precious and you should live it like it was your last.
Because if I had only known.....it was my last night with my dog, that it would be the last walk, the last romp in the back yard and the last swim in the ocean.....well, I would pray that time would have stopped.....so that I could soak in every moment and savor it like I would never taste it again. I wasn't ready for Bailey to go....as if anyone is ever ready to lose something they love so dearly.....but maybe, just maybe, I would have appreciated the little moments with my dog more.
Because I would give my soul.....for just one more walk on the beach with him.
Running hasn't shown me much sympathy....and I have struggled to stay on my routine. I continue to struggle but make myself do what I know heals my soul. For now, I prefer to be alone in my running......for the sake of my partner...I try to run alone. Lord knows I'm not much company....but all I have left now...is my running. It gets me through those sad moments.
Only 6 more weeks until the marathon...and my desire to qualify for Boston seems to have faded with the passing of my dog. I'm just going to give myself some time....and I hope to get back in the game soon.
I am thinking of you my friends and hoping you all are having good runs and races.....and remember to treat every run.....and every day as if it were your last.
12 comments:
I will tell you what a good friend told me when my mom passed: I have nothing to say that will help. Other than I am sorry. It sucks.
Thinking of you.
My heart is breaking for you right now.
Know that you are in my thoughts and I am so, so sorry for your loss.
I hope that you find comfort in your memories of Bailey.
I'm very sorry...
I'm so sorry for your loss. The special relationship you shared echoed with every word. There are no comforting words for moments like these but just know our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Oh, Kelly - I am so very sorry for your loss.
Loss exists to remind us of what we DO have. You have friends and family that care about you. Do your grieving. Take your time. But keep living.
I'm sure Bailey was an awesome companion. He'd want you to race hard in a few weeks, and you WILL find the strength to do it!
i am so so so sorry :( being a dog person too i know how much they mean to your life and i cant imagine what you are going through. hang in there, take your time and know that there are lots of prayers and hugs being sent your way.
Oh, I am so, so sorry. I can understand what you are going through b/c I had to put my cat (who was my baby for 9 years) to sleep over the summer. It was terrible. Our pets are such a big part of our lives and when we lose them it is a huge loss. I'm just so sorry and sending positive thoughts your way.
Hey sweetie! How are you jolding up? I want to email you, but I don't have your email...would you mind sending it to me? Pippyjen@tampabay.rr.com.
I have been thinking of you non-stop...
HUGS to you...
I saw your comment on Jen's blog and came over to your website. I am so sorry about the loss of Bailey, and I hope you are finding peace as the days go by. Dogs show us such unconditional love, and it sounds like Bailey was there for you in some really tough times.
I hope you can find some calm and eventually a few smiles in running. Boston will always be there..but maybe Bailey would say "go get 'em mom!".
Thinking of you.
So sorry to here about your dog. I am a dog person as well and had something very similair happen a couple of years ago when one of my dogs was killed by a car.
It does get better with time. What helped me through it was knowing that my dog was loved and had a wonderful life until she left this world. How many dogs out there can say that?
Your dog was lucky to have had that kind of love.
Ohhhhh! I'm SO sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is like losing a family member AND a close friend all at the same time. I know it won't take the pain away, but I hope it helps a little to know that you are being thought of. Hang in there.
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Try to remember all the good times you shared and try to hang tough. You are in my thoughts. Sending you lots of healing/soothing wishes to help with the pain.
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