Letting Go

Well it's official...Running Buddy has the flu and has been fighting a fever all week. My biggest nightmare has come true. I am so sad, I can't even focus on the marathon this Sunday.

I think we were both hoping and praying that things would get better yesterday, but her fever spiked to 101.4 last night and although today she feels better, she is tired and worn out from fighting the war.

So, the decision is for her to not run Outer Banks this weekend. I can't say I know how SHE feels because I have always been able to run my races and meet my goals. I got sick one time...last year, when I ran the Shamrock Marathon with Running Buddy....and I made it through. So, I really don't know what it feels like to throw in the towel....or DNF for that matter.

I have so much respect for my best Running Buddy for making the admirable decision to not run on Sunday and jeopardize her health...because in the long run...it just isn't worth it.

But I am SO sad that it has ended this way for her with all that we have been through. All the miles.....all the hours of talking....coaching and hoping for a better time on Running Buddy's second marathon. She put it perfectly tonight...."I can't seem to put closure on this....." and really...... how do you put closure on 18 weeks of training and then not even make it to the start line?

I have all the respect in the world....for those folks who train for marathons and triathlons...specifically Ironman....and get sick or injured after months and months of hard work. 

I'm selfishly sad because I trained Running Buddy and I want her to finish this thing. But I can't even imagine what she is feeling or going through....not being able to run...knowing I AM running.....and thinking about all the hard work she has done and not being able to run the race.

How is it that these little things seem so big and so unfair?

I ran 4 miles tonight in the dark and in the rain....and it couldn't have been more depressing. I know that in order for me to do my best on Sunday...I have to let it go. I need to accept the fact that my best running bud got sick and can't run and that after she gets well we will pick up where we left off. 

But until then, I have to cry a little, take a deep breath and breathe...and hope that when this weekend is all over, I will have put closure on a journey we started together and I ended for us both.

Oh my....just 3 more days. Wonder Boy and I will travel south for my 6th marathon Saturday morning. Tomorrow, I am taking a half day off from work and I am going to go have lunch with my biggest fan....my mom...who saw me through my first Outer Banks Marathon. I think I will try to squeeze a 3 miler in down at the beach when I leave from school. After lunch with my mom, Wonder Boy and I will go surfing.  It will ultimately calm my nerves and take my mind off my sadness.

I am excited about the marathon on Sunday,  but I feel rather lonely. 

Ok, in honor of Running Buddy's hard work and determination....I promise to run hard, run fast and remember the power of pink.

Damn...this sucks.

Thanks blogger buddies for keeping in touch! I will blog before I leave on Saturday and then post my race report. Please, pretty please, end me some goooood vibes!!!!!